Keystone: Hold Your 'Stones

In the last month, I've seen a new billboard pop up along our stretch of Bardstown Rd. in Fern Creek with Keith Stone's mug on it (or whatever the actor's real name is). At first, when I saw it, my first impression was that Coors had created a new ad gimmick based off "My Name is Earl". Then I took a second to challenge that assumption by considering, "Maybe he's not as redneck or ignorant as the ad people want us to think we are." After all, I just had a billboard to go on.

Then I saw an ad on TV.

Coors, the makers of Keystone, is obviously trying to get guys everywhere to do a "Mirror, mirror on the billboard/TV, who's the badassest of them all?" Maybe not guys everywhere. Just in areas where you're likely to see guys like Keith Stone. My gut reaction is that of revulsion. Seriously, by seeing that ad, I feel like Coors sees me as a narcissistic redneck who enjoys cheap beer, since they put this ad close to where I live and hope I relate to it. Two, they're hoping other males in this area will relate to it and see themselves as Keith Stone. And my guess would be that they do, more often than not.

My objection to this is seemingly two-fold (be ready for more). One, Keith Stone just looks annoying and ignorant. He's the king of his hill, which really isn't that big...but he doesn't know that. And I'm sure there are guys out there who really act like that and think he's cool/hilarious, so they try to aspire to that. Yes, Margaret, those men are annoying too. Two, if I'm going to be annoying, I'd rather be a nuisance of higher class and sophistication than that. Like a snob! Three (told you there'd be more), I think I have a natural aversion to that stereotype and Coors's attempt to cluster me into that, because I know I'm made in the image of God. (Said like a true snob!)

In all honesty, I don't think God's against drinking. What he's against is getting drunk and chasing tail like Keith Stone. And he's not against it just because he said so. It's because he didn't make tail to be chased that way. The idea is while everything is permissible, not everything is beneficial. Chasing tail, getting drunk, and looking/acting like Keith Stone is cool, but it's nothing compared to living in Christ. Living like Keith Stone leads to death. You're not doing anything with your life. It's a waste. In Christ, you're submitting to God, but you're also letting him get inside your soul and put your interests and your passions to work for his kingdom. Plus, you get to enjoy the same things like drinking and sex, but you figure out the right ways to enjoy them. Excess was not that. You never need to drink to escape; you drink to celebrate life and rejoice in Christ. It's even better with friends.

So regardless of your spiritual leanings, Coors is full of crap for making me think I'm not made in the image of God, but I'm the image of Keith Stone to them. Ridiculous. I refuse to buy their beer because it's cheap and because they think I'm a dumb hick who'll buy their beer just because cool guys like Keith Stone do it. If I had my own brewery, I'd go with the image of some old German monk, who was a master brewer for my spokesmodel. Kind of like Volkswagen did with the Beetle with a microphone with the guy who had a German accent. There's nothing better than pondering theology over a nice stein full of dünkel.